Shilpa PulapakaIt’s been a crazy couple of years but last couple of months were a breath of fresh air. Upon taking a minute to review the events of the last year I realised why last year was better for me –
I stopped caring about people’s opinions of me.
Most people from the Asian/South Asian communities (like myself) will identify with the following:
– Saving face is more important than doing the right thing in these communities.
– Parents rather not look bad in front of their friends and family than let their child be happy.
– People choose to fit into toxic communities rather than do what makes them happy.
What’s amazing is, educated and well informed people (dare I say – like me) also fall into this pit of despair without realising it. So did I!
Then one day, something amazing happened.
I stopped caring about what people thought of me and did what I wanted to do. It changed my life!
I won’t go into the boring process of what made me take this step but here’s what I did:
- I wore what I felt comfortable in and didn’t care about what my ‘friends’ or ‘family’ thought about how I looked: Caring about what people think about your looks rather than considering your comfort and happiness is such a waste…why let others dictate your life and choices? It’s your life…be you! Those others are living their life so why not you?
- I started saying no to things I didn’t really want to do : learning to say ‘No’ was the hardest lesson I every learnt. So much guilt in saying no! But here’s the thing – Going out of your way to help people can be a good deed but once that ‘help’ starts impacting your own life negatively…you will need to question your priorities and justification.
- I said what I meant and thought when I spoke to people. Obviously, I tried not to be rude and was conscientious of people’s feelings but I became straightforward in my speech. If I meant no -I said no. If I meant yes – I said yes. None of the diplomacy to look/sound agreeable. Keeping it straight meant people knew exactly where I stood and generally there is more trust in me and my words.
- I stopped sharing more than necessary and I stopped explaining my choices. I realised sharing too much was to make myself acceptable to other people…to seek validation or approval. Then one day I realised…it’s my life…why do I need someone else’s approval?
Result?
I am happy. I am more confident. I don’t overthink. I achieve more. I am manifesting a life of my choice!
Once I took away the unnecessary stress of ‘what might people think’, my mind and body freed up for more productive action and thought.
My friends and family have begun to recognise that these are my boundaries. Those that truly care for me respect my boundaries and those that didn’t/don’t are no longer part of my life.
I recognise now that the older you get, the fewer people you need in life. Have a small but strong group of people around you who uplift you, who call you out on your bullshit and who have your back.
With these people, try spending quality time (doesn’t need to be a lot of time…even if it is an hour a week, make it count!).
Rest of your time should be spent on you – on the things that you want to do, things you want to achieve, self improvement activities, self care activities and so on.
Less drama more self love & growth please – this is my mantra for 2023!
What’s yours?