Shilpa PulapakaIn the ever-evolving landscape of the modern workplace, we often find ourselves navigating a delicate balance between empathy, people-pleasing, and the misconstrued notion of being firm. On my journey of self-discovery and personal growth, I’ve found insights from the authors like Ryan Holiday, James Clear, Carol S. Dweck, and Ichiro Kishimi that have proven invaluable in finding this balance.
Let’s start with a common misconception: people-pleasers and rude individuals as leaders. While they might attain senior roles, they often fall short of doing justice to those positions. Ryan Holiday, in his book ‘The Daily Stoic’, suggests that the true path to strength, influence, and excellence lies not through our egos but through character, contribution, and service. Leaders mustn’t fret about being universally amicable; instead, they should always strive to make the ‘right’ decisions, even if it means facing unpopularity.
The key lies in distinguishing between being strong and being rude. Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga emphasise this in ‘The Courage to Be Disliked,’ the tone of your message matters most. You can be firm and kind, not because you want people to like you, but because you don’t want to cause someone unnecessary hurt. True strength doesn’t reside in dismissing or belittling others. Strength is about maintaining a firm stance while treating others with kindness. It’s about communicating assertively, not aggressively.
However, it’s crucial to understand that your responsibility ends at being kind; you can’t control how others interpret your words or actions. As Carol S. Dweck explores in ‘Mindset,’ you can only control your words and actions, not other people’s feelings.
In my professional journey, I’ve encountered a spectrum of individuals. Some relentlessly push forward without considering the broader context and the challenges others may be facing. They want everything “ready and sorted,” and while ambition is admirable, it must be balanced with empathy and an understanding of the bigger picture. Others, discouraged by initial pushback, throw in the towel prematurely. Both extremes lack the productivity and synergy necessary for effective leadership.
So, how can we navigate this complex terrain successfully?
- Balance Ambition with Empathy: Be ambitious, but never at the expense of empathy. Consider the needs and concerns of your colleagues and team members.
- Persistence with Humility: Don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Learn from them, adapt, and persist with humility. Remember that even the greatest leaders faced challenges on their path to success.
- Constructive Communication: Communicate assertively, but always be kind. Offer feedback and criticism in a constructive manner, aiming for growth rather than humiliation.
- Focus on Your Sphere of Influence: Recognise that you can only control your actions. Let go of the need to control others’ reactions.
In closing, leadership is not about popularity or authoritarianism. It’s about striking the right balance between empathy, firmness, and kindness. As you progress in your careers, remember the valuable insights you gain in your life, allowing them to guide you in becoming the leaders who inspire, empower, and foster collaboration, while remaining true to your principles and values. It is this mindset that can cultivate workplaces where everyone thrives.